What's Up, Caleb Kohl?

どうした、カレブコール？

What's Up, Caleb Kohl?

There are days when battles can take forever to finish. Sometimes, a snap of a finger. Just one decision. Other times, like a tsunami crashing from nowhere. Internally, it’s an ongoing turbulence. A constant debate with the self.

In reality, the strength to get it together is similar to sewing myself up like a quilt; made of whatever left to bind together. Once a thread is broken, it could undo all the hard work.

But, the spirit is a fighter. Broken pieces will be picked up and rebuilt stronger. Strangely, in madness, I also find the meaning of kindness and forgiveness for myself.

Art is my safe space where voices are heard, beings are embraced and emotions are respected. Regardless how destructive and agonizing it can be, I am me when I make art.

No form of therapy comes without a regression phase. A responsibility I welcome each time I work on myself.

To break free from being inside my head for too long, I created these three pieces to express my ongoing healing process. Each piece is a reflection of my state of mind at the time – be it anger, acceptance or confusion. Depression has taught me time and again that a healing journey is never linear because I can be feeling any of these three phases back and forth or all at the same time. At least that’s how it feels like.

This is my way of communicating with myself and other people in order to stay sane and as “human” as possible.

I used various materials collected over the years such as unused acrylic boards, mounting boards, leftover fabrics (leather, felt, printed cotton, jute, old kimono fabrics), handmade tapestry, flowers from bouquets received, broken handmade pottery pieces, beads, printed doodles, moss and other throwaway materials.

For the skeletal form, I created the patterns using Adobe Illustrator and digital fabrication such as Laser Cut and UV Print machines

All three were built using the same DNA but naturally evolve in certain phases of my healing journey. Same but different.

Artwork dimensions (height x width x length)
Wired: 6cm x 28cm x 26cm
Regression: 7cm x 25cm x 26cm
Soaring: 8.5cm x 24cm x 29cm

https://youtu.be/WVs1OaSwvr8

https://www.instagram.com/eirianism/

As a self-proclaimed alien robot walking in a human’s body, I tend to feel so out of place in this world. It didn’t help that the meaning of my name is ‘Blue Fire’, kind of feels like an omen with the amount of fire simmering inside me.

I grew up struggling with this energy and I see people around me struggle with it too. Being accustomed to culture that conforms, many years spent trying to fit in until a life or death decision had to be made. Choosing to live meant that, eventually, I have to accept myself for who I am and rewire the way I think.

That’s where art comes in and has been my rock. An extension of my voice, somewhat. It also helps me to understand how my brain works on different situations after being translated visually to better manage my expectations when tackling issues head on.

Art is my sensei, reminding me to be patient and kinder to myself whenever toxic voice(s) appears on my mind.

Perhaps, this explains why my art has a sensory overload presence.

There’s just so much to absorb being on this earth as a functioning being. Sometimes, I don’t know how I’m still alive.

One thing is for sure while I’m still breathing, I want to turn my pain, battles scars and healing wounds into something ugly beautiful. I want to own my darkness, embrace it wholeheartedly and work together to help others express their darker moments too.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia